Thursday, September 2, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
What do you mean by "Full Cavity"?
I'm going to post separate stories about my trip to Mexico but, this one seemed appropriate to start off with.
To start off with I'd like to preface this with a disclaimer:
I do enjoy the liberties that this country permits us; however, I do not, will not, and cannot, abide the hypocrisy that we live in. This country is one of the greatest in the world and we continue to live our lives in fear, complacency, and indifference. To quote Abraham Lincoln, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
So if your read this blog you obviously know what I look like, and for those of you who don't here's a quick glance...pretty sexy huh?
Anyway, I recently went to Mexico on a business trip to teach one of our outsource centers how to use a few of our billing systems. Long story short, trip was fun, they learned a lot, and everything was otherwise a big win.
Getting into and out of Mexico really wasn't that big a deal: you fill out some papers, you wait in a bunch of lines, you hit a few buttons and smile and say "Si" or "No" followed by "Gracias" a bunch of times...and then you're free to roam around the country for a few days to NOT drink the water. Getting back into the good ol' U.S. of A is a different story though.
When we first got off the plane, we had to walk like half a mile around DFW to get to immigration. I'd put up some pics, but they basically said that cameras were a no-no and would ultimately meet their end at the hands of some disgruntled employee if they were found to be on during the immigration process. So we get in line...My travelling companion (our Director of Outbound Operations) was ushered to one line where he got to go right through. I get ushered into a line with 3 families all that have like 6 kids (great...) After about 15-20 minutes I get to go through and the officer said like 2 words to me, looked at my passport and then me like 12 times, stamped it 3 times and then gave me the hit the road sign...
Next is where the fun starts. So we get our bags and hit another line to get through the baggage control checkpoint, complete with skulls on pikes, razor wire, and the oh so lovely "Abandon all hope..Ye who enter this place" signs daubed in American-ease (basically loads of "welcome to the US happiest place on earth" propaganda). The agent running the post must love his job, he gets to sit on a stool and basically be terrifying to immigrants and visitors ALL, DAY, Long. So My boss goes through no problem. But, the kid, can't be that easy...Before I even get to the podium, Ninja Security Man comes over to me from out of nowhere and writes some initials in big red letters on my declaration paperwork. I asked him what it was and he said," just routine, no worries" and then disappeared in a puff of bureaucratic smoke. So I talk to Officer Terrifying and had a quick laugh about the ABRAHAM LINCOLN shirt that I was wearing and he tells me to head to a hallway off to the side. So, I trudge into another room that has, what looked like, 12 x-ray conveyors, a bunch of examination tables and various other official looking people doing absolutely nothing. I walk about another 1/4 mile to isle 12 and a very nice officer tells me to put all my luggage on the conveyor and open it up. Apparently, I fell victim to a "random survey" that the Department of Agriculture conducts on every flight that come into the US. Right...can you see where this story is going?
So after I pack all my things again and walk back out to meet Jim, he gets a chuckle out of the "random" survey thing and we head to the security checkpoint. So, like a good little sheep I take all the crap out of my pockets, my computer out of the bag, and put all my junk into the bins for x-ray and get into the line to go through the metal detectors. No only did both of the agents look me up and down and then look at each other, one of them audibly said, "uhhhhhhh, can you step over there please" and ushered me to the FULL body scanner. So I stand in the little scanner things and do as I was instructed, and then walk forward to the little yellow footprints where I'm stopped by a Officer Lanky who tells me to wait. He then receives a little buzz in his earpiece and asks me if I had anything in my pockets. I responded "no, I don't" and maintained that response the other three times that he asked me (I really didn't have anything in my pockets, they were totally empty and some even inside out)...So then he tells me that HE NEEDS TO FRISK ME and that this was "only routine". So he starts patting me down and I'm totally waiting for the Ninja Security Man to pop back up and write "full cavity" somehwere. Luckily, I had a stay of execution when they didn't find anything, LIKE I TOLD THEM, and I was let loose on the rest of the terminal to go do my dastardly "being American" thing... Jim is standing behind me the whole time and after a short wait, Officer Lanky gets the little buzz in his ear, Officer Lanky tells him to have a nice day, and Jim walks right on through. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?
So here's a piece of advice, when you try to get back into the U.S. Here's a few simple rules:
DON'T dress in Abraham Lincoln T-Shirts
DON'T be older than 15 and younger than 50
DON'T have tattoos
DON'T look like an average American
To start off with I'd like to preface this with a disclaimer:
I do enjoy the liberties that this country permits us; however, I do not, will not, and cannot, abide the hypocrisy that we live in. This country is one of the greatest in the world and we continue to live our lives in fear, complacency, and indifference. To quote Abraham Lincoln, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
So if your read this blog you obviously know what I look like, and for those of you who don't here's a quick glance...pretty sexy huh?
Anyway, I recently went to Mexico on a business trip to teach one of our outsource centers how to use a few of our billing systems. Long story short, trip was fun, they learned a lot, and everything was otherwise a big win. Getting into and out of Mexico really wasn't that big a deal: you fill out some papers, you wait in a bunch of lines, you hit a few buttons and smile and say "Si" or "No" followed by "Gracias" a bunch of times...and then you're free to roam around the country for a few days to NOT drink the water. Getting back into the good ol' U.S. of A is a different story though.
When we first got off the plane, we had to walk like half a mile around DFW to get to immigration. I'd put up some pics, but they basically said that cameras were a no-no and would ultimately meet their end at the hands of some disgruntled employee if they were found to be on during the immigration process. So we get in line...My travelling companion (our Director of Outbound Operations) was ushered to one line where he got to go right through. I get ushered into a line with 3 families all that have like 6 kids (great...) After about 15-20 minutes I get to go through and the officer said like 2 words to me, looked at my passport and then me like 12 times, stamped it 3 times and then gave me the hit the road sign...
Next is where the fun starts. So we get our bags and hit another line to get through the baggage control checkpoint, complete with skulls on pikes, razor wire, and the oh so lovely "Abandon all hope..Ye who enter this place" signs daubed in American-ease (basically loads of "welcome to the US happiest place on earth" propaganda). The agent running the post must love his job, he gets to sit on a stool and basically be terrifying to immigrants and visitors ALL, DAY, Long. So My boss goes through no problem. But, the kid, can't be that easy...Before I even get to the podium, Ninja Security Man comes over to me from out of nowhere and writes some initials in big red letters on my declaration paperwork. I asked him what it was and he said," just routine, no worries" and then disappeared in a puff of bureaucratic smoke. So I talk to Officer Terrifying and had a quick laugh about the ABRAHAM LINCOLN shirt that I was wearing and he tells me to head to a hallway off to the side. So, I trudge into another room that has, what looked like, 12 x-ray conveyors, a bunch of examination tables and various other official looking people doing absolutely nothing. I walk about another 1/4 mile to isle 12 and a very nice officer tells me to put all my luggage on the conveyor and open it up. Apparently, I fell victim to a "random survey" that the Department of Agriculture conducts on every flight that come into the US. Right...can you see where this story is going?
So after I pack all my things again and walk back out to meet Jim, he gets a chuckle out of the "random" survey thing and we head to the security checkpoint. So, like a good little sheep I take all the crap out of my pockets, my computer out of the bag, and put all my junk into the bins for x-ray and get into the line to go through the metal detectors. No only did both of the agents look me up and down and then look at each other, one of them audibly said, "uhhhhhhh, can you step over there please" and ushered me to the FULL body scanner. So I stand in the little scanner things and do as I was instructed, and then walk forward to the little yellow footprints where I'm stopped by a Officer Lanky who tells me to wait. He then receives a little buzz in his earpiece and asks me if I had anything in my pockets. I responded "no, I don't" and maintained that response the other three times that he asked me (I really didn't have anything in my pockets, they were totally empty and some even inside out)...So then he tells me that HE NEEDS TO FRISK ME and that this was "only routine". So he starts patting me down and I'm totally waiting for the Ninja Security Man to pop back up and write "full cavity" somehwere. Luckily, I had a stay of execution when they didn't find anything, LIKE I TOLD THEM, and I was let loose on the rest of the terminal to go do my dastardly "being American" thing... Jim is standing behind me the whole time and after a short wait, Officer Lanky gets the little buzz in his ear, Officer Lanky tells him to have a nice day, and Jim walks right on through. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?
So here's a piece of advice, when you try to get back into the U.S. Here's a few simple rules:
DON'T dress in Abraham Lincoln T-Shirts
DON'T be older than 15 and younger than 50
DON'T have tattoos
DON'T look like an average American
Monday, August 23, 2010
Headin to Mexico...
So I'm heading to Mexico on my first business trip ever and I'm a freaky mess!! I hate flying, I'm going to miss my family but, it's going to be a great time and I get to teach! Hopefully, I'll be updating this thing with some picks over the next few days but, until then here's a little song to thing of me by:
Banditos - The Refreshments
So just how far down do you want to go
And we could talk it out over a cup of joe
And you could look deep into my eyes
Like I was a super-model
Uh-huh
Well, it's you and me baby no one else we can trust
We'll say nothin' to no one no how or we bust
And never crack a smile
Or flinch or cry for nobody
Uh-uh
Chorus:
Well give your ID card to the border guard
Yeah, your alias says you're Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Of the United Federation of Planets
'Cause he won't speak English anyway
Everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
So meet me at the mission at midnight
We'll divvy up there
Everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
Well I got the pistol so I'll keep the Pesos
Yeah and that seems fair
So put the sugar in the tank of the sheriff's car
And slash the deputy's tires and they won't get very far
When they finally get the word
That there's been a hold-up uh-huh
Banditos - The Refreshments
So just how far down do you want to go
And we could talk it out over a cup of joe
And you could look deep into my eyes
Like I was a super-model
Uh-huh
Well, it's you and me baby no one else we can trust
We'll say nothin' to no one no how or we bust
And never crack a smile
Or flinch or cry for nobody
Uh-uh
Chorus:
Well give your ID card to the border guard
Yeah, your alias says you're Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Of the United Federation of Planets
'Cause he won't speak English anyway
Everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
So meet me at the mission at midnight
We'll divvy up there
Everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
Well I got the pistol so I'll keep the Pesos
Yeah and that seems fair
So put the sugar in the tank of the sheriff's car
And slash the deputy's tires and they won't get very far
When they finally get the word
That there's been a hold-up uh-huh
Sunday, July 18, 2010
It's been a REALLY long while.
Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been almost 2 months since my last blog post...
So life is that thing that happens when you don't have enough time in the day. I know that I should be paying much more attention to my blog. I know that I need to be more on top of my homework. The sad fact is, there is too much crap to do throughout the day and without the little reminders that we are alive, like the man-made conventions of bills and commerce, I might actually be happy for five minutes.
Pessimism begets more pessimism I know (and that is not my intention) but, for one breif moment perhaps I can be the little grey cloud full of water and hate that no one likes.
I know things will get better, I know that the sting is only momentary, and I can only hope that sleep will once again caress my thoughts and bring me dreams of a better day...that happens right?
So life is that thing that happens when you don't have enough time in the day. I know that I should be paying much more attention to my blog. I know that I need to be more on top of my homework. The sad fact is, there is too much crap to do throughout the day and without the little reminders that we are alive, like the man-made conventions of bills and commerce, I might actually be happy for five minutes.
Pessimism begets more pessimism I know (and that is not my intention) but, for one breif moment perhaps I can be the little grey cloud full of water and hate that no one likes.
I know things will get better, I know that the sting is only momentary, and I can only hope that sleep will once again caress my thoughts and bring me dreams of a better day...that happens right?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
It's been a while
I've been really neglecting this little column of mine so, I'm going to dive head in and talk about something that I have a real passion for: being a total and utter dork...
Ya, this is the part where I start talking about one of my favorite hobbies. I play a tabletop strategy game called Warhammer 40k. It is technically the updated version of grandpa painting his tin soldiers but, ours are TOTALLY RAD!!! Anyway, I wanted to start out with some fluff to set the mood, so here it is, enjoy!
In the 41st Millenia, there is only war...
Or so Games Workshop would have us beleive. Games Workshop is a gaming company based out of Great Britian. They created and still currently produce one of my favorite past times in the whole wide world, Warhammer 40k. For those of you who are not of the geeky persuasion, think of the old days when dad would paint the tin soldiers and put them up on a shelf to look at. Well, the soldiers are plastic and pewter, very small and require assembly and painting. At any rate it's an exciting a very time consuming hobby.
Basic Gameplay:
The game is played by assembling an army from a certain Codex, also known as army books, and then pitting your army against someone else's. Each army consists of at least an HQ (your leader), and to squads of "troops" (troop types vary by army.
There are also other types of army squads including: Fast attack - they go zoom, zoom; Elites - specialized troops with really snazzy abilities; Heavy Support - KABLAM! (nuff said).
Now depending on the army being played, each of the unit types will be drastically different. So to give you a breif description of each army here's the full list:
Imperial Guard: Think of the army, troops and tanks and miscommunication OH MY!
Witch Hunters: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! (nuns with guns)
Daemon Hunters: Grail Knights on SERIOUS steroids.
Tyranids: Cockroaches the size of a Dunkin Donuts x 1 Billion.
Tau: Smurfs piloting Gundams.
Space Marines: The vanilla of the 40k world (create a Chapter/Army). 7 foot tall, muscle bulked, killing machines in powered space armor.
Chaos Marines/Daemons: The antithesis of the Imperium.
Eldar: space elves with a bite.
Dark Eldar: space elves who not only bite, but kill, maim, steal, and do vulgar things to you after they take your lunch money.
Orks - WE'Z IS DA BEST AND YOUZ IZ NOT, OI! Big, green, and mean.
Necrons - Terminators (dun, dun, dun, dun-dun, ch, ch)
I'm current building up my Witchunter army, and supplementing it with some Daemonhunters to give it some added flavor. I'll post the pics of my scratch built models a bit later this week.
Until then just remember, In the vast reaches of the Imperium of man, millions die every day for thier own cause, reason or justification. The universe is a big place and whatever happens, you will not be missed...
to be continued...
Ya, this is the part where I start talking about one of my favorite hobbies. I play a tabletop strategy game called Warhammer 40k. It is technically the updated version of grandpa painting his tin soldiers but, ours are TOTALLY RAD!!! Anyway, I wanted to start out with some fluff to set the mood, so here it is, enjoy!
In the 41st Millenia, there is only war...
Or so Games Workshop would have us beleive. Games Workshop is a gaming company based out of Great Britian. They created and still currently produce one of my favorite past times in the whole wide world, Warhammer 40k. For those of you who are not of the geeky persuasion, think of the old days when dad would paint the tin soldiers and put them up on a shelf to look at. Well, the soldiers are plastic and pewter, very small and require assembly and painting. At any rate it's an exciting a very time consuming hobby.
Basic Gameplay:
The game is played by assembling an army from a certain Codex, also known as army books, and then pitting your army against someone else's. Each army consists of at least an HQ (your leader), and to squads of "troops" (troop types vary by army.
There are also other types of army squads including: Fast attack - they go zoom, zoom; Elites - specialized troops with really snazzy abilities; Heavy Support - KABLAM! (nuff said).
Now depending on the army being played, each of the unit types will be drastically different. So to give you a breif description of each army here's the full list:
Imperial Guard: Think of the army, troops and tanks and miscommunication OH MY!
Witch Hunters: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! (nuns with guns)
Daemon Hunters: Grail Knights on SERIOUS steroids.
Tyranids: Cockroaches the size of a Dunkin Donuts x 1 Billion.
Tau: Smurfs piloting Gundams.
Space Marines: The vanilla of the 40k world (create a Chapter/Army). 7 foot tall, muscle bulked, killing machines in powered space armor.
Chaos Marines/Daemons: The antithesis of the Imperium.
Eldar: space elves with a bite.
Dark Eldar: space elves who not only bite, but kill, maim, steal, and do vulgar things to you after they take your lunch money.
Orks - WE'Z IS DA BEST AND YOUZ IZ NOT, OI! Big, green, and mean.
Necrons - Terminators (dun, dun, dun, dun-dun, ch, ch)
I'm current building up my Witchunter army, and supplementing it with some Daemonhunters to give it some added flavor. I'll post the pics of my scratch built models a bit later this week.
Until then just remember, In the vast reaches of the Imperium of man, millions die every day for thier own cause, reason or justification. The universe is a big place and whatever happens, you will not be missed...
to be continued...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
So I was just having some fun.
So I if you've been following my blog, I just finished helping the big wigs at work finish a HUGE presentation for one of our clients. I had to utilize windows movie maker, power point and photoshop to get it done. Then the other day, I actually took a lunch break and had a little fun. Me and my buddy Marvin mess with each other all day long. Not only does it help the day go by but, we actually get some really good zingers in there as well. Anyhow, I sent this to him after he tried to "color me pink" in some very descriptive paragraphs. Enjoy. (The word should be WE'VE not WE'RE, I know so please excuse the mispell)
Monday, April 19, 2010
In honor of a friendship reborn...
Doyle N Friends: Pro-Edition
Coming soon to 2010...
Let the action begin.
Coming soon to 2010...
Let the action begin.
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