Life is what happens when you're doing other things...

(this is a pic of the slacker doing homework)

Do you ever feel like life is just passing you by but, there is just not enough time to live it? You turn around, go to grab a magazine and you've lost 4 hours...I guess everything is starting to catch up with me. Between work, home and school, my nerves have been kinda widgy, but I'm determined to move forward.

As far as work goes, my boss was in the hospital for the past 3 or 4 days so I had to cover a few things that I normally don't do. Not something too unusual for me, I guess I'm just trying to figure out where I'm going with all of it. My technical title is Senior Sales Supervisor; however I haven't lead a "sales" team for almost 3 months. I have however, almost single handedly overhauled most of the training material that our company uses for 2 separate departments and I feel very accomplished in what I've done. I guess where my frustration comes in, is that I really have no "home" at my job. I have no group to supervise, the new project that I'm supposed to be heading up doesn't start for another 2 months and I feel very removed from the project in general. However, I have been working very closely with the development side of what our company does and I've seen sides of Client Services and the Training and Development groups that REALLY interest me. Have you ever just had that feeling of being sucked into something bigger that just won't work? Which brings me to my next point.

My wife works with her parents at their Deli but, she's going to start staying home after this week. We've already decided that we can swing it with just me working as long as my pay scale doesn't change. We're also looking into getting "assistance" like other people do, but you wouldn't believe how hard it can be if you are TRYING to do the right thing. I swear some government agencies were developed just so people can do nothing and get all the help that they need...grrrrr.

School is just one of those things that I can't get over. I still can't believe that I'm still doing it, I'm getting my degree. Still, there is that nagging feeling that I might fail. I hate that, and I usually don't hate anything; it makes me feel weak. I am kind of sweating the anatomy paper we have to write. I didn't budget my time extremely well and YET AGAIN, I find myself walking that line right at the very end of too late... oh well it'll get done. Next time I just need to get it up to my standards.

Anyway, I know everything is going to work out, it always does. I was told once that as long as I thought I was lucky, then I always would be. My four leaf clover has held up so far.

Now that I've vented, I find myself thinking about the Tao Te Ching. In chapter 11, Lao Tzu states, "Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;
It is the center hole that makes it useful.
Shape clay into a vessel;
It is the space within that makes it useful.
Cut doors and windows for a room;
It is the holes which make it useful.
Therefore profit comes from what is there;
Usefulness from what is not there."

So in a way I guess I'm the hole in the wheel. Not sure if that makes any sense but, at least I've got some clarity now. I'd have no reason to write this if it wasn't for the fact that I know someone was going to read this so I guess I should thank you.

Domo...